I Have Always Had These Feelings That I Was Waiting for Something






 

I have always had these feelings that I was waiting for something

 

Erin Lane / Massage Therapist, Mandurah, Western Australia

From every since I could remember, I felt an empty feeling inside of me. When I was four years old, my father committed suicide. He left behind four children. My mother struggled in dealing with life after this and emotionally shut of even more to us, kids. Her childhood consisted of sexual, emotional and physical abuse, which she re-lived in her mind constantly. She lived in this world of sadness and as a result, so did us, kids. My grandmother and great grandmother experienced even more sadness. Being a part of the aboriginal stolen generation, abuse, sadness and emptiness was almost normal for them and I feel a sense of that pain and despair somehow.

I have always felt angry at this world. As a child and years after that, strangers and family would say to me ‘Smile.’ I used to hate hearing that because I didn’t see anything worth smiling about. When I was 17, a doctor prescribed me anti-depressants. I chose not to take them and continued struggling through life with no purpose. No self worth and constantly questioning ‘What is the point of this life? Why are we even here?’ A year later my daughter Adia was born. I was 18 years old and alone in an unhealthy relationship, isolated from family and friends. Though my daughter gave me a reason to smile and get up every morning. I continued to have this powerful feeling that I was waiting for something, that would change my life.

I grew up with drugs and alcohol around me as an everyday habit. Time went by and as I got older, the more unhealthy habits I found. I have been caught up in patterns where I let myself experiment with drugs and alcohol binging, unhealthy eating and continued living an unhealthy, unhappy life. At the time this didn’t seem to bother me much because there was no purpose to my life and I didn’t really care about much at all.

But now I am older and a single mum with two wonderful children. I am fighting to find a better, healthier me.

My daughter and I attended a seminar down the road at a local hall earlier this year. The seminar was about a meditation which claimed to change the human mind to the universe mind. Having an open mind, after searching for many years for the answers why are we here etc, participating in many spiritual awakening courses and reading spiritual development books, with no hesitation we went to the seminar.

Instantly I felt a sense of knowing this was where I was meant to be. Before we knew it, Adia and I started at Mandurah Meditation Center. 8 months later, I feel such a relief that I am on the right path. My anxiety and depression is under control. My life is starting to make sense. I finally feel like I belong in the world and am a part of something truly amazing. I am always smiling.

Thank you to this meditation method and everyone at Perth and Mandurah Meditation center.

This meditation is the rest of my life. It is what I have been waiting for. Thank you!